A Long Path

Our family has been in a season of loss. Two close family members passed in the last month, within two weeks of each other. One was terribly unexpected, the other expected but no less a loss. There are always things to reflect on and to remember in these kinds of seasons.

My siblings and I made the decision to authorize hospice for our Mom. Part of that process was an interview of Mom by a hospice nurse. The hospice nurse was very kind and was asking Mom if something bothered her. With her characteristic wit, she replied, “Dearie, when you’re dying, it just doesn’t matter.”

First off can we just appreciate the term “Dearie?” Kinda savor it for a minute. In an often angry world, it’s a bit like a soft shawl settling around your shoulders.

Then, stepping back a bit, I reflect on the wisdom behind the remark. In that moment, yes, she was dying. But the remark holds so much more for our everyday lives. We are all at some point in the journey of dying with no known arrival time. If we knew when we would die, we might make different choices sometimes because in the scope of the eternal and the finiteness of life there are a lot of things that just don’t matter. Maybe most things. Because we don’t know when we will die, we must be much more purposeful about what matters and what doesn’t. About seeking healing for all involved to whatever extent is within our ability.

When I think about what does matter, it always comes back to my relationships and how I treat people. Sometimes that is really hard, especially when I know I have to take care of what’s on my plate, what’s my responsibility, and I also know they won’t or aren’t capable of doing the same. Can I forgive when there is no sorry? That’s tough.

But in the end, I am only responsible for my part of the story. Am I being the kind of person that positively reflects my Savior, Jesus? Or not? Sometimes it takes some time to do that. I often have to go back and apologize, make amends, fix something (or try to). Sometimes I argue a LOT with God about doing that. My pride gets so much in the way.

But Dearie, when you’re dying, it just doesn’t matter.