Weary and Heavy-Laden

…I will give you rest. – Mt. 11:28b

Some years ago, a pastor talked about a desert period – about being inside-tired. I have remembered that phrase because it so described to me being weary and heavy-laden. Heart-heavy. Discouraged. Clinging to scraps of hope in desperation.

I’m not talking about clinical depression – being so crippled by deep, dark fog that even getting out of bed is close to impossible. What I am talking about is the greying of spirit, the dragged-down plodding that carrying the weight of our lives can bring. The twilight feeling.

Many devotionals and very well-meaning folks counsel that when you are in this place, you should turn your eyes to Jesus.  To stop looking at your obstacles/issues/grief/etc., and keep your eyes on your Help. That is good counsel.

But what if your heart is so heavy-laden and you are so weary, that you cannot lift the eyes of your heart?  What then?

Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. – John 13:5

Jesus comes to us to wash our feet – to care for us. To kneel, to gaze up into our down-cast eyes, to enter in to our field of vision. To gently touch our face and steady our souls with His loving gaze. He helps us look to Him when we are so weary and heavy-laden that we cannot pick up our head or our heart. And then…then He gives us rest. His rest. In that rest is release and restoration and strength. The very clear message that we never walk alone – even when we think we do. He is always there.

He turns the twilight of our spirit into the tweening of night to dawn – the courage to walk out again. He does this as often as we find ourselves weary and heavy-laden, and in ways that will surprise us.

Expect Him.