I encountered a situation recently that both surprised me and rather unsettled me. If I’m honest I was kinda pissed. My husband and I were invited to dinner with some friends. When we arrived, another person was also there that I did not expect to see. Someone that I have struggled with boundaries. Not because I don’t have boundaries; they don’t respect them. My interactions with them over the years have often been puzzling both because I don’t understand why they act the way they do and because I haven’t been able to determine how to have boundaries with them AND still be kind.
Don’t get me wrong. There are numerous situations in which I have no problem whatsoever having boundaries without worrying about also being kind. But in this situation the person involved is currently in a very difficult and painful life situation. Their life arc includes heartache that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And the past year has brought even more for them. So I don’t wish to add additional pain in their life, hence the desire to be kind. Minimally.
But I also do not want to be flooded by their poor decisions and their black and white view of life and especially of God’s love and grace. The harshness with which they have driven people away from both themselves and any openness to God is painful to watch and even more painful to experience. Hence the need for boundaries.
Religion often demands that our faith take the form of a doormat, that if we don’t forgive and forget and reconcile, then we aren’t very much like Christ. I don’t think that is Scriptural or healthy. There is a balance and a tension that Jesus modeled which is difficult to achieve. Finding that solid ground on which to stand that loves but doesn’t tolerate is really hard.
If I had a good answer for how to do this, rest assured I would share it. Fact is I don’t. I bumble around with this answer but then that answer. None of them fit quite right.
Maybe that’s part of the growth process. Maybe it’s why we BECOME like Jesus – it’s a journey. Some things work in some situations and not in others. More often than not, we find a little piece to add to our toolkit and our traveling guide.
And sometimes we’re a rude wench who has to tell half lies to not cause a scene, followed by a period of self-reflection and prayer.
Just Sayin' 