Imperfect

This morning in the New York Times Obituary section, the death of Judy Martz is noted. Now I just get the highlights and overviews but that’s all we really read anymore anyway, right? Sound bites.

Ms. Martz was a former governor of Montana, who died at the age of 74. The headline also tells me she was the first female governor of Montana. The short overview notes: “Ms. Martz was noted for turning a state deficit into a surplus while reducing taxes, but her one term was also marked by scandal and gaffes.”

I’m uncertain how big of a deficit was involved here, and whether the economic turn-around was significant or whether the tax reduction benefitted a broad spectrum of Montana’s people. What the snippet implies is however big or impactful, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t a perfect tenure in office.

Another article I read recently (actually read the entire article, not just the click bait), reports on the significant increase of reported anxiety among incoming college freshmen. Across the economic spectrum, teens feel that they cannot be perfect (my summary). They have too much to do, too many things at which they must excel, and quite frankly, too many comparisons and unrealistic expectations (thank you social media).

When we labor under the illusion that we can be perfect, when we expect perfection of others, I believe we inhibit creativity and civility. If making a mistake, misspeaking, using the wrong fork for heavens sake, garners public humiliation or silent internal condemnation of ourselves or others then we are intolerant.  And before you start your comment with “yeah, but…” just stop. I fully recognize that there are truly intolerable things that go on, and that’s not what I am talking about here.

What I am talking about is a lack of grace for ourselves and others. No one is perfect. Let me say that again: NO ONE IS PERFECT!

Mistakes must be learning opportunities not life sentences. Actions have consequences but scale cannot be nothing happens or die in the flames of hell. My husband often used the phrase “natural consequences” when we were in the whirlwind of raising kids. My college mentor told me: “You are going to make mistakes. Own them, fix them, move on.” (Shoutout to Beth Unger).

People can and often do change. People also can and often do learn. There has to be space and grace for that. If there is not, we create a fear culture where people feel unsafe and are unwilling to try, or learn, or explore. They need to know the answers before they begin – or they won’t even begin.

Rather than looking at the story about Ms Martz passing from the perspective of she did good work BUT not good enough, perhaps the message to all of us, and in particular to our anxious teens, is she did good work. Not perfect work, but good work.  Some things were done well, and some things not so well, and some things were outright failures/mistakes/disasters. And that’s not only ok but normal.